900Roxylove

 

 

My beautiful Roxy – our sweet little Bee ~ may you be light and happy with your wagging tail swimming in Ruby Lake forever dropping sunbleached sticks at our feet. Wishing you evening suppers of wild salmon and homemade puppy biscuits and platters of fresh-baked scones ‘borrowed’ off the kitchen counter when no one was looking.

I will be forever grateful for your gift of unconditional love, your deep compassion for anyone and anything suffering (those gentle little nudges of your nose when I was feeling sad) ~ and your boundless enthusiasm for the smallest of moments each and every day spent in the company with everyone you loved – which of course was everyone.

The past few months throughout your illness we never left one another’s side even when you couldn’t walk and I had to carry you (you would still wag your tail when I picked you up despite your pain) and yesterday was the most devastating day of my life ~ no one should ever have to make a decision to end a loved one’s life – I can’t stop crying this loss is just too much to bear. I counted your last breaths 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 – and then… nothing and so I continued to breathe for you.

You really arrived the day my little girl Tess slid a note under our bedroom door ~ Dear Mommy and Daddy – Please let me have a puppy for my birthday. If you say yes I promise I will walk it everyday and feed it and brush it and clean up the poo. I will love this dog forever and you won’t even know it’s there because I will do everything. And also if you say yes I will be so happy and you will be the best Mommy and Daddy in the whole wide world even though you already are.
Thank you and please don’t say no. Love, Tess.

We said yes. Yes to growing our family, yes to learning what love really means ~ how in every way an animal will wake up each and every day saying yes to love – yes to being present – yes to compassion and joy and yes to those moments that we might not even KNOW are moments – until they pile up like little jewels and you can trace them with every beat of your heart. Yes to walks every day noticing how the tides move ~ and where the duck’s nest ~ and how to find the perfect patch of grass to lay down in and watch the sun set.

I will miss swimming with you and walking up the mountain with you ~ I will miss cuddling with you in the morning and the way you would kick your bowl when dinner was late. I will miss the way you would put your paw on top of my hand when you wanted to feel close to me. I will miss your fluffy head and warm heart and big soft brown eyes.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Dear heart. My little Bee.

I love you.